When he was only seven, a boy named Joash became the king of Judah. This would be a little like making a second-grade student the president of the United States today. Absurd as that sounds, it is symbolic of what is, in fact, happening to many of our children. They are being asked to grow up too quickly-to demonstrate adult behavior while still in a child's body.
Like Joash, our children usually have little to say about the accelerated pace. Their inborn trust causes them to rely on adults and the surrounding society to aid them toward maturity. And the problem is intensified by the fact that we adults are often in a hurry ourselves. This infatuation with speed can create harmful attitudes that adversely affect our parenting. The following two attitudes may disguise themselves as good intentions, but a closer look brings their dangers to light.
Harmful attitude #1: Bigger is better, and better is best. As our society continues to highlight and emphasize accomplishment, an award-for-performance attitude is communicated loud and clear to our young people. They hear adults boast that bigger is better, richer is more rewarding, power buys prestige, position ensures popularity, possessions bring pleasure. These declarations leave little question in the minds of our children about America's formula: Grow up fast and be better than anyone else, or you will be left behind.
Harmful attitude #2: Normal isn't good enough. Many of today's parents, unlike previous generations, want to raise highly exceptional children. To them, a normal child is not acceptable. If children are going to be free to enjoy their childhood and develop at their God-given pace, we must abandon the notion that they should be pushed to outshine their peers. In some cases, a well-meaning push to succeed can become a subtle form of child abuse that squeezes the precious gift of innocence out of them.
There is nothing wrong with wanting the best for our children. But the best becomes detrimental when we push and pressure our kids excessively. Don't go another day without letting your child hear words of encouragement. Here are a few ways to do that. 1. Recognize the importance of your children's world. Every child has values, and these values will almost certainly differ from yours. A four-year-old boy, for instance, may consider it very important that you let him pour the milk. This importance may not be on your priority list, but when you respect his values, you affirm his feelings and show him love.
2. Honor your children's feelings. If your children tell you how they feel about a situation, and their feelings don't agree with yours, don't put their feelings down. Remember, feelings are neither right nor wrong; they're neutral and not subject to judgment.
3. Catch your children doing something right, and be generous praising them for it. You may need to search carefully at times for actions to praise (you can always thank them for flushing the toilet!), but the appreciation they receive from you will be well worth the effort.
4. Encourage your children in front of others. When you praise your children in the presence of others, they receive a double blessing. Children love to be appreciated and to have their friends and others know that someone believes in them and thinks they are special.